Dirty Work (1998)

• director Bob Saget's R-rated buddy black comedy farce (his directorial debut film) told about two life-long friends, who after a streak of bad luck and a history of seeking personal revenge, opened up a revenge-for-hire business known as "Dirty Work" in a small Midwestern town
• in the film's opening title credits, there were brief flashbacks to young Mitch Weaver (Bradley Reid) and Sam McKenna (Joseph Sicilia) who were childhood best friends at 8 years of age in elementary school; Sam's "tough guy" father Pops McKenna (Jack Warden) had taught him: "No matter where you go, no matter what you do, don't take no crap from nobody"; the two vowed to get revenge at those who "messed" with them; to get class bully Derek (Michael Vollans) in trouble and arrested, they planted pistols in his desk; and Mitch caught a pedophile school crossing guard (Robert Shipman) who often grabbed kids' asses "red-handed" and in the act by putting Super-glue on the back of his pants; and to seek revenge against an "ornery babysitter" they didn't like, they took a Polaroid snapshot of her on the toilet

Bully Arrested for Guns in Desk

Pedophile Crossing Guard Caught Red-Handed

Babysitter Photographed on Toilet

• after teenaged Mitch's (Matt Steinberg) single mother died, he moved in with Pops McKenna and his father Sam (Austin Pool) who took further revenge against a Parking Patrol meter maid who wrote too many tickets, by putting popcorn kernels into her car's radiator; they also acquired Matt's cousin's homosexual German Shepherd to teach a menacing neighborhood Doberman "some humility"

Mitch Weaver (Norm Macdonald)

Sam McKenna (Artie Lange)

• in their adult lives, Mitch Weaver (Norm Macdonald) lost his job at Aldo's Pizza for the tardy delivery of an order; he was dumped by his upset girlfriend Toni-Ann (Polly Shannon) after losing 14 jobs in three months ("I'm through wasting my life with you"); unemployed and a major loser, Mitch was again forced to move back in with elderly, "creepy," impotent but sex-crazed Pops and his best friend Sam McKenna (Artie Lange)
• at Mazetti's Bar with Sam, the downtrodden Mitch now in his 30s expressed how envious he was of people who didn't "take crap from anybody" - something he used to easily practice as a kid; Mitch mocked their friend Jimmy (Chris Farley in his final film) at the end of the bar, with a bandage over his bit-off nose, by shouting out: "I could've got my nose bit off by a Saigon whore"
• to a new acquaintance named Kathy (Traylor Howard), Mitch described his envy for the town's rich real estate mogul Travis Cole (Christopher McDonald) seen on TV; he theorized to Kathy: "There are two kinds of people in this world: those who get stomped on and those who do the stomping"; when asked where he derived his ideas, he answered a "famous guy" named Jesus said it
• in the bar, Sam was about to get involved in a competitive brawl with another guy (and his frat brothers) over a female's attention, while their friend Jimmy chose to accompany the fight with music; he enthusiastically pressed buttons on the bar's jukebox machine to hear the Rolling Stones' Street Fightin' Man, but accidentally hit G8 instead of G7, and cued up Rupert Holmes' Escape (The Pina Colada Song); both Mitch and Sam were assaulted, overwhelmed and humiliated by a large group of college frat guys
• to seek revenge, Mitch called the frat house to warn them about dudes dressing up in fake police uniforms; then, they filed a noise complaint with the local cops and watched as the fraternity brothers were confronted by real cops and beaten up in a melee; dressed in fake uniforms themselves, Mitch and Sam joined in the brawl and arrest
• unfortunately, Pops suffered a heart attack (while watching 1982's Aerobicise on TV) in his home and was taken to the Lakeview Hospital; he confessed privately to Mitch that due to his swinging lifestyle, he had previously had sex with Mitch's mom and had impregnated her - proven by a picture in his locket of him in the act: ("Besides, back then they didn't have these fancy birth control methods. Like pullin' out"); Mitch was told that the very "sensitive" Sam was unaware and shouldn't be informed
• Pops' corrupt, compulsive gambling-addicted heart surgeon Dr. Farthing (Chevy Chase) extorted Mitch and Sam for $50,000 dollars in order to place Pops on the active transplant list within just two weeks, thereby saving him from retaliation by his bookie; the two young men were forced to start looking for employment
• one of their regular juvenile pranks was to drive by a movie line, while Sam mooned his bare ass out the car window to the patrons: ("How's that lookin', baby! Whoo-hoooo!"), Mitch stopped the car and exited, leaving Sam parked directly in front of the sidewalk line - he was embarrassed as he opened the car door and ran away while pulling up his pants and apologizing to the moviegoers after being pranked: "He was supposed to keep drivin'"
• on their first job at a construction site, Mitch admitted that they had lied on their resumes about their experience; then, they applied for a job as taste-testers (for a payment of $50) at a Clinical Testing Facility of Grandma Mabel's brownies - an hallucinogenic product promoted as a new fat substitute - Mitch suffered severe side effects, including mild itching, nausea, chills, severe sweating, a face rash and a hellish hallucination of Satan (Adam Sandler): "Come with me! You belong with me! Burn! BURN!"
• their next employment opportunity was at a movie theatre where they were subjected to an insulting and denigrating speech delivered by tyrannical and abusive movie theatre manager Mr. Hamilton (Don Rickles) about his "managing style" to new employees, including Mitch and the overweight Sam (in particular): "So there you are, tubby. You look like a bucket of lard on a bad day. You baby gorilla. Why don't you work in a zoo, and stop bothering people? Got a call yesterday from Baskin Robbins. They said that they're down to only five flavors. You're swelling up as I talk to you"

Movie Theatre Manager Mr. Hamilton's (Don Rickles) Speech to New Employees, Including Mitch and Sam, and Their Subsequent Revenge

• they sought revenge and managed to have Mr. Hamilton immediately fired by changing the scheduled movie at the theatre; instead, they projected a gay porn film comedy with the title screen Men In Black (Who Like To Have Sex With Each Other) to a packed house of shocked patrons
• shortly later after a "light bulb" moment, Mitch proposed to Sam that they open a Revenge-for-Hire business for a living (known as Dirty Work, Inc.) to raise the $50,000 dollars to save Pops' life: "I have a feeling that people are gonna pay us a lot of money to do their dirty work"; they set up a shop-front store business on the town's main street
• to prepare for their first act of revenge, they chose the shady car dealership where Mitch's recent friend Kathy worked as an accountant and was treated harshly by the bossy owner; they hired prostitutes for $20 dollars each to pose as dead bodies during the auto dealer's live TV commercial; Mitch explained his motive to receive free air time: "This is so we can get a free commercial for Dirty Work on live television"

"Revenge For Hire" Business: "Dead Hookers" Were Planted in Trunks of Luxury Cars During the Filming of a TV Commercial

• as the shady Phillips Motors' spokesperson Anton Phillips (David Koechner) promoted their selection of luxury automobiles, Mitch interrupted by asking about the trunk size - the trunks of the cars were opened to reveal they were "loaded" with "dead hookers" inside; Mitch exclaimed: "I've never seen so many dead hookers in my life"; a bystander reacted with a dead-panned statement: "Lord knows I have"; Mitch used the footage to advertise his ownbusiness "Dirty Work": "This is not part of the commercial. Some jerk making your life miserable? You want revenge? Call 555-0187 and let us do your dirty work"; a side joke was that Jimmy recognized the "Saigon whore" in the commercial who had bitten off his nose
• as a result of their prank, Mitch and Sam boasted to Pops: "We found our calling"; Kathy arrived at the Dirty Work store and was mad about the "disgusting stunt in the car lot" that forced Anton to sell his business and put her out of a job (she was frustrated: "Did I deserve that?") - she called Mitch a "jerk"
• Dirty Work was then hired by a "dwarf" or "midget" client (Arturo Gil) to seek revenge against a Bearded Lady in a local circus carnival; at the showgrounds, the abusive, drunken bearded lady Heather (Rebecca Romijn) approached Mitch and propositioned him: "Hey, baby. You ever had a chick with a beard before?...Well then, sugar, you haven't lived"; Mitch replied: "Note to self: I don't want to live"; shortly later, she awoke and screamed that her beard had been shaved off

Mobsters In Mansion: ("It smells like fish in here")

Mitch and Sam Planting Dead Fish in Mansion

Tiptoeing Out After a Deadly, Off-Screen Shoot-out

• then, Mitch and Sam were hired by a man who complained about noisy neighbors with wild parties and loud music; their plan was to plant dead fish in the interior of the next-door mansion, and then hide as two mob groups arrived and engaged in a drug deal; when one of the gangsters smelled fish ("It smells like fish in here"), the other dealer suspected a signal or that he was wearing a wire, and there was a brutal, massive, and deadly shoot-out (off-screen); as the two pranksters stood there and listened to the mayhem, their expressions changed from glee to abject horror; after the violence subsided, they tiptoed out - with squishing sounds heard as they walked through the blood-soaked living room
• during their next revenge-for-hire job, they were requested by an elderly house resident (living in her home for 62 years) to stop the razing of an entire block in town, including her house; on the site, unscrupulous, millionaire local real-estate property developer Travis Cole was planning to build a parking lot for an Opera House; after sabotaging the developer's bulldozer with popcorn, Sam and Mitch were jailed for a "dangerous act of mischief"; however, it was reported on the news that some regarded their sabotage as an "heroic example of civil disobedience"; others regarded the "villain" to be the builder of the parking lot - Travis Cole; however, Cole was viewed nobly when he dropped charges against them and released them from jail
• due to the publicity they had received, Cole summoned Mitch and Sam to his office and hired them (as "mischief makers"), in exchange for $50,000 dollars, to destroy 'his' low-income apartment building at 99 Franklin Street that he claimed he owned; he said it was overrun with drug dealers, gangs, and even a house of prostitution; Cole admitted he wanted to condemn the building, reduce its property values so that he could buy it cheaply, evict everyone, fix up the building, and then rent out the apartments to "honest, hardworking people"
• meanwhile in the hospital, Pops and Dr. Farthing were told that they had acquired the money needed for the heart transplant; Kathy arrived in the Dirty Work office to thank Mitch for saving the elderly woman's home; he walked with her to her grandmother's apartment - and suddenly realized that he had been hired by Cole to destroy her home at 99 Franklin Street; at the time, it was suspected that the 60 year-old grandmother was running a call-girl operation there, but she was actually running a "sewing business"
• to the tune of AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap," Sam and Mitch, posing as Termite Control workers, vacated the apartment building and began to destroy it, as part of Cole's master-plan to condemn the building and build a parking lot for the re-opening of his beloved Chelsea Opera House; however, to their shock, they discovered that Cole had lied to them - the semi-destroyed apartment building was actually owned by landlord Mr. James Kirkpatrick
• after being thrown out of Cole's office building, Mitch attempted to recruit a group of homeless men (Jim Downey and Fred Wolf) outside with a $1 dollar payment to run into Cole's building and harrass him by yelling and screaming; one man responded: "That's very nice, but I think what you probably need are like some psycho, out-of-control homeless guys. Yeah, we're more the broken, spiritless 'I've lost the will to live' type homeless guys"; however, for $2 dollars, the group entered the building and cleared the way for Mitch and Sam to speak to Cole in his upstairs office
• Mitch and Sam demanded their $50,000 dollars but were denied and then thrown out; Mitch was unaware until later that he had left his recorder on and had captured Cole's damning lies: ("I don't even own the building on 99 Franklin. I told you I did, but I lied. Good luck trying to prove it")
• back in Pops' hospital room, the two confessed that they "messed up" and didn't have the money; Pops finally revealed to his son Sam the locket photo proving that he had had sexual relations with Mitch's mother, but Sam was miffed about losing his special relationship with his dad; shortly later, Sam changed his mind and was appreciative that they were "officially" half-brothers
• as the feud escalated and retribution against Cole was sought, the plan was to get the $50,000, save the apartment building, and ruin Cole's pre-opening night (Don Giovanni) of his opera house; Mitch challenged everyone in the apartment building to seek revenge: ("That's what I'm asking all of us to do right now, stand up for ourselves. Travis Cole screwed all of us. I say it's time we fight back. Are you with me?"); he rallied together and assembled a motley group of loyal helpers to ruin the opera - prostitutes, bandaged-nosed friend Jimmy, homeless men and Pops, plus a stack of Grandma's laced brownies for Cole's associates
• during the opera, Jimmy exulted as he released skunks into the audience, causing a mass exodus of patrons; Cole's deception was also revealed by playing back his tape-recorded confession on both the audio recorder and on the opera house's sound system; Cole was forced to agree to write out a check for $50,000 to Dr. Farthing, and to return the apartment property to its rightful owner Kirkpatrick
• many issues were resolved as the film ended: Cole was arrested and jailed for fraud, while Jimmy restored his nose for $200 dollars and was "getting hitched" to the Saigon whore Lin-Yung - but then she angrily bit off his new nose; Pops received his operation, and Mitch established a romance with Kathy; in the film's conclusion, Mitch also revealed: (voice-over) "Oh, and Dr. Farthing. He got over his gambling problem, but the bookies beat him to death anyway. So, he's dead. That's it. Bye!"

Django Unchained (2012)

• writer/director Quentin Tarantino's violent pre-Civil War-era western drama followed the exploits of freed slave Django (Jamie Foxx) bought by German dentist and bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz), and trained as his deputy; with promises of his freedom, a horse and $75 dollars, Django convinced Schultz to join him in a quest to free his enslaved German-speaking wife Broomhilda von Shaft (Kerry Washington); however, their task was made almost impossible since Broomhilda was located at Mississippi's Candie Land Farm ruled by ruthless Calvin Candie von Shaft (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his loyal, 76 year-old head house-slave Stephen (Samuel L. Jackson) who ruled over the household as "Mister Stephen"; Candie was notorious for raising and breeding some slaves as "mandingos" to fight to the death bare-handed for entertainment and gambling purposes
• during their earlier exploits at a plantation owned by Spencer "Big Daddy" Bennett (Don Johnson), a group of Ku Klux Klan members were assembled to kill Django and Schultz; in an incongruous scene, the men bickered amongst themselves when they couldn't see out of the narrow eyeslit holes in their white head coverings: (Big Daddy: "Damn! I can't see f--kin' s--t outta this thing....Naw, hold on, I'm f--kin' with my eye holes"); after he ripped his bag when adjusting it, he exclaimed: "Oh s--t, aw, I just made it worse"; blame was laid on Jenny, the wife of Klan member Willard, who had sewn the bags
• Robert (director Quentin Tarantino himself) complained about the poor visibility: "If I don't move my head, I can see you pretty good, more or less. But when I start ridin', the bag's movin' all over, and I - I'm ridin' blind"; when another bag-head (Jonah Hill) ripped his head covering, he asked: "I just made mine worse. Anybody bring any extra bags?"; another sarcastically answered: "No, nobody brought an extra bag"

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)

• in the opening of this successful sports comedy from writer/director Rawson Marshall Thurber, a slick TV commercial was aired by a corporate, nationwide fitness chain known as Globo Gym (with the motto: "We're better than you and we know it"); the corporation was owned, founded and managed by mustache-wearing, arrogant egomaniac White Goodman (Ben Stiller); he pitched the benefits of working out and transforming oneself with "personal alteration": "Tired of the same old you? Tired of being out of shape and out of luck with the opposite sex? Tired of being overweight and under-attractive? Yeah. Oh, hello. I'm White Goodman, owner, operator and founder of Globo Gym America Corp. And I'm here to tell ya that you don't have to be stuck with what ya got....Here at Globo Gym, we understand that 'ugliness' and 'fatness' are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it. And that's where we come in..."; he reviewed his own personal history of obesity (6 years earlier and at 600 lbs.) and how he had changed his own life
• by contrast, the apathetic owner-manager Peter "Pete" LaFleur (Vince Vaughn) of the across-the-street, local run-down area gym, Average Joe's Gymnasium, was struggling to pay his overdue bills, and was facing foreclosure; he lived in a run-down neighborhood and drove an outdated car

Two Competing Gymnasiums

• Average Joe's Gym employees included ex-airport worker Dwight Baumgarten (Chris Williams) and nerdy loser-square Owen Dittman (Joel David Moore); some of its misfit members included Obscure Sports Quarterly fan Gordon Pibb (Stephen Root), teenaged HS-cheerleader squad wannabe Justin Redman (Justin Long), and crazed indebted Steve "The Pirate" Cowan (Alan Tudyk)

Average Joe's Gymnasium Employees
Owen Dittman (Joel David Moore)	Dwight Baumgarten (Chris Williams)

Odd-ball and Misfit Members of Average Joe's Gymnasium
Gordon Pibb (Stephen Root)	Justin Redman (Justin Long)	Steve "The Pirate" Cowan (Alan Tudyk)

• pretty lawyer and real-estate-tax auditor Katherine "Kate" Veatch (Christine Taylor) appeared in Pete's office, representing the bank and helping with his failing finances, tax liabilities, mortgage debt and upcoming foreclosure in 30 days - owing $50,000 dollars; during a visit to Globo Gym, Pete learned that Goodman had bought out his second mortgage and that he was being threatened with a hostile take-over: "You've got 30 days to make $50,000, or your gym becomes my gym...My gym's worth over $4 million. Your gym isn't worth four...Your 'gym' is a skid mark on the underpants of society"
• the detestable Goodman announced his plan to Peter to raze his heavily-mortgaged shabby gym in 30 days to build a parking structure for his own club: "I choose to level Average Joe's to build a parking structure for my members, so be it. There's nothing you can do about it. In 30 days, I'll be bulldozing that s--t-heap you call a gym into permanent nothingness. I can only hope that you, and the mongrel race that comprise your membership, are inside it when I do"
• after a failed car-wash to raise the $50,000 required by Owen to save the gym, due to a competing car wash featured scantily-clad, colorful-bikinied females across the street, Gordon suggested that they enter Average Joe's team into the obscure, annual Las Vegas International Dodgeball Open Tournament to win the prize money
• Justin was able to acquire a 1950s Leave-It-To-Beaver era, 16 mm black and white Uber-American Instructional Dodgeball training film for viewing by the group, about the game's history and rules; supposedly, the game was invented in the 15th century in a Chinese opium den "by opium-addicted Chinamen"; severed heads were used as balls centuries ago; in the video, youngster Timmy (Cayden Boyd) was enticed to visit an opium den where he was seen coughing after inhaling from an opium pipe; the rules of the game were briefly reviewed, and Irish-American dodgeball legend Patches O'Houlihan (Hank Azaria) offered tips to Timmy on gameplay; he called dodgeball "a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation," and summarized the five D's of Dodgeball: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge!

Historical Black and White Dodgeball Training Video
Timmy in Opium Den Where Dodgeball was Invented	Timmy Inhaling from an Opium Pipe and Coughing
Irish-American Dodgeball Legend Patches O'Houlihan (Hank Azaria) Offered Tips to Timmy on Gameplay	Five D's of Dodgeball

• in a preliminary, sub-regional qualifying match at the Waldorf Rec Center between the Average Joe's team against Girl Scout Troop # 417, they suffered a humiliating loss until it was discovered during random urine screening that the girls team had illegally used steroids and "low-grade beaver tranquilizer", and were disqualified
• after their win and Goodman's spying on Average Joe's Gym with a hidden camera in a giant cut-out of himself, he brought his own team (the Purple Cobras) to The Dirty Sanchez bar to introduce his team-mates, including Blade (Rusty Joiner), Lazer (Kevin Porter), Blazer (Brandon Molale), Goodman's personal "Fitness Consigliere" Meshell Jones and lethal professional Romanovia player Fran Stalinovskovichdaviddivichski (Missi Pyle)
• in the parking lot following Goodman's challenge to Pete's team, Pete met legendary, vulgar-mouthed ADAA champ Patches O'Houlihan (Rip Torn), who was restricted to a wheelchair, but volunteered to be the Average Joe's "seasoned" coach in the game of dodgeball; for three weeks in preparation for the competition, he first explained the 5 Ds of Dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge! - "If you master the 5 Ds, no amounts of balls on earth can hit you!"
• and then, after opening and then emptying a bag of heavy tools, he mentioned: "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball", he threw a wrench at Justin and struck him in the face; it was certainly an unusual training technique that Peter questioned: "Are you sure that this is completely necessary?" - Patches replied: "Necessary? Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?...No, but I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste"; he also urged the group after taking them to a busy street: "If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball"; he also criticized the clumsy and uncoordinated Justin: "You're about as useful as a cock-flavored lollipop," and then insulted Gordon: "You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat"

Patches O'Houlihan (Rip Torn as adult) Throwing Wrenches During Training and Hurling Insults at the Average Joe's Team Players

• all along, Goodman had been hitting on Kate and trying to woo her to his side, and Peter also encouraged her to join his team, but she claimed conflict of interest and declined to play on either side; the last straw was after Goodman falsely accused her of stealing and drinking on the job, and she was fired from her law-firm - and was now freed to date Goodman; however, she rejected him ("You fired me so I'd date you?"), and decided to join Peter's underdog dodgeball team, utilizing her skills from eight years playing softball
• there were some setbacks leading to the final round of dodgeball tournament play at the University Learning Annex in Las Vegas; due to a shipping mix-up, the team members were forced to wear S&M chains and leather 'uniforms' during the many rounds of play, they barely squeaked through to win their matches; miraculously, they made it to the final round and would be facing Goodman's Globo Gym Purple Cobras; however, Patches was tragically killed by a giant, falling neon sign inside the casino (ironically labeled THE LUCK OF THE IRISH)
• the night before the final round, Goodman offered to buy the deed to the competing gym from a stressed-out and demoralized Peter for $100,000 if they forfeited: ("You're heading for a fall, Pete. Sooner or later, Average Joe's is gonna close"); Peter accepted the bribe and signed the contract and hinted to his players that they would lose against Globo Gym
• the next day, just before the "David vs. Goliath" mid-day match, with the Average Joe's a 50-to-1 underdog, a forfeiture was charged against Average Joe's team (for not having enough players - Justin had been persuaded by his HS crush Amber (Julie Gonzalo) to participate in her cheerleading routine but returned on time, while Steve "The Pirate" had disappeared and Peter had quit); although Peter showed up at the last minute to play, it was too late; for the team's sake, the forfeiture was overturned by a 2/3 vote (with the winning vote cast by committee judge Chuck Norris (as Himself)), keeping them in the competition for a final round game
• the game ended up with a 'sudden-death' elimination for the prize money with a one-on-one match-up between Peter and Goodman; Peter blindfolded himself, and with Patches' spirit on his side: ("Remember your training and trust your instincts. You can do it. I believe in you"), he defeated Goodman and won the championship; broadcast ESPN8-TV correspondent Cotton McKnight (Gary Cole) exclaimed: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we've witnessed here today!"
• in the twisting ending, after the presentation of a check for $50,000 to the Average Joe's team, Goodman claimed he had purchased Peter's gym the night before their win for $100,000; Peter agreed, but claimed that he had bet the bribe-money, at 50 to 1 odds, on the gym's win; a treasure chest was wheeled onto the court with his winnings, amounting to $5 million dollars in cash

$5 Million Dollars' Winnings

Steve 'The Pirate's' Transformation

• Peter revealed that he had also purchased a 'controlling share of stock' in Goodman's publically-traded company, thereby becoming the controlling owner of the company and anything else it owned, which included Average Joe's Gym; Peter then fired Goodman: ("I'm your new boss, White...You're fired, pal!"); "Pirate" Steve walked into the scene and agreed with Peter that he wasn't really a 'pirate' - he had turned conservative and cut off his dread-locks, and Peter enticingly joked that there was "buried treasure" nearby

Kate Proving That She Was Bi-Sexual, Not a Lesbian

• in another surprise, Kate kissed her girlfriend Joyce (Scarlett Chorvat) who had just arrived from Guam for the victory celebration, but then kissed Peter to assure him that she was bi-sexual, not lesbian; Average Joe's Gym was featured in a cover story in Gordon's favorite magazine: Obscure Sports Quarterly
• the film concluded, during the closing credits, with Kate choosing Peter as her boyfriend, Justin marrying his high-school cheerleader crush Amber with a baby on the way, and Owen dating Romanov player Fran; the Average Joe's gym was renovated and offering dodgeball classes, while the depressed Goodman had turned to eating junk food and had become morbidly obese - he asked himself in the film's last line after playing with his own man-boobs: "You happy? Fatty make a funny?"

Down and Out in Beverly Hills (1986)

In writer/director Paul Mazursky's R-rated comedy (Disney's first, for its new Touchstone division) -- a comedic remake of Jean Renoir's classic Boudu Sauvé des Eaux (1932) (aka Boudu Saved From Drowning):

• during the opening credits, the film employed the brilliant use of The Talking Heads' Once in a Lifetime ("And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful Wife / And you may ask yourself / Well, how did I get here?"), intercutting scenes of real-life Los Angeles homeless with charismatic, iconoclastic, charming but disheveled vagrant Jerry Baskin (Nick Nolte) pushing his possessions across a street
• Jerry attempted suicide by drowning in the family pool of the Whiteman's residence in Beverly Hills, after his little beloved dog Kerouac abandoned him during the Thanksgiving season; Jerry was rescued by the head of household - millionaire coat-hanger manufacturer Dave Whiteman (Richard Dreyfuss) ("Call 911!"); afterwards, Jerry was invited into the Whiteman's nouveau-riche Beverly Hills household, to live in the pool cabana
• there were many scene-stealing scenes of neurotic family dog Matisse (black-and-white border collie Mike the Dog), who required a dog therapist

Whiteman Family Dog Matisse With Dog Therapist

• Jerry seduced sexually-repressed, status-obsessed, spaced-out wife Barbara Whiteman (Bette Midler), whose ecstatic screaming reverberated around the neighborhood (Matisse convulsed and panted, the phallic cable antenna vibrated, the sprinklers erupted, etc.); Barbara offered post-coital compliments for Jerry: "You found my "G" spot, but this was a one-time trip to the moon. It happened, and there's nothing we can do about it now. But no matter how fantastic it was, we can never repeat this adventure" before she began singing You Belong to Me
• Dave initially bonded with Jerry, but their relationship soon soured because of Jerry's -
  (1) seduction of Mexican maid Carmen (Elizabeth Peña), competing with Dave who was also having an affair with her
  (2) encouragement of androgynous, sexually-confused and obsessive son Max (Evan Richards) to come out to him, and
  (3) sexual relations with anorexic college student daughter Jenny Whiteman (Tracy Nelson)
• during a wild, climactic New Year's Eve party at the Whitemans, Dave attempted to secure a business deal with a contingent of Chinese, while next door neighbor and record producer Orvis Goodnight (Little Richard) performed both It's a Matter of Time and Tutti Frutti on the piano
• revelations resulting from Jerry's presence were revealed to Dave - about both Max and Jenny; Max came up to his father with his odd-looking transgendered friends, kissed his father on the cheek (leaving a lipstick stain), and admitted that he loved his father; then, Dave learned that Jerry had slept with his daughter when she admitted: "Daddy, I'm in love"; Dave was furious: ("I'm gonna kill him, he took my baby") and physically attacked Jerry; in a reversal of the earlier drowning sequence, Dave attempted to drown him in the swimming pool; at the same time, fireworks exploded (and everyone jumped in the pool); Matisse activated the security alarm system, and the police were dispatched to the house; a helicopter pilot remarked: "What a f--king party!"
• the next morning after the previous chaotic evening, as everyone sat around the pool, Jerry told a disgruntled Dave: "I gave folks what they wanted"; he made a decision to leave after announcing that he was a pathological liar who had deceived them with made-up colorful accounts of his past life; Jerry explained how he had told the family what they wanted to hear: (Dave: "You lied" Jerry: "What did you want to hear, Dave? REAL heartbreak? REAL sorrow? It's boring"); he returned everything he had been given before leaving with Matisse, and looked forward: "We don't owe nothin' to nobody"
• in the ending sequence occurring in the back service alleyway behind the Whiteman's house, Jerry (who had changed into his rags) had been joined by his now-bonded dog Matisse to scrounge in a dumpster and eat from a discarded can of liver pate; he found himself silently urged by the entire family, all staring at him, to return to the house - they expectantly awaited his entrance into the grounds; Jerry signaled to Matisse that Carmen had prepared a "nice cup" of cappuccino for them: "Let's go grab a cup of cappuccino"
• after all the other family members entered the gate after Jerry, there was a final haunting shot of Dave pausing with an unsure look on his face - to the book-ended strains of Once in a Lifetime; he was obviously pondering if it was a good idea to invite Jerry back in

Jerry's Departure and Quick Return to the Whiteman Family

Dr. Strangelove: Or... (1968)

• Stanley Kubrick's brilliant, provocative black comedy/fantasy satire told about doomsday and Cold War politics that featured an accidental, inadvertent, pre-emptive nuclear attack; the undated, landmark film was the first commercially-successful political satire about nuclear war; the witty screenplay hypothesized anightmarish, apocalyptic theme about how technology had gone haywire and had dominated humanity
• the opening credits sequence of the genre-bending black comedy featured a view of a B-52 jet aircraft refueling in mid-air - looking like a sexual act (mechanical copulation)
• all of the major characters - belligerent military leaders and politicians - were portrayed as caricatures
• delusionally-demented, impotent cigar-chomping renegade Gen. Jack D. Ripper's (Sterling Hayden) sealed-off Burpelson Air Base and ordered a Plan R or "Condition Red" to be ready for an impending emergency; the plan, transmitted by a special code, was delivered to 34 nuclear-armed B-52's of the 843rd Bomb Wing, ordering them to move past their failsafe points to await further orders to proceed; Ripper also advised to trust no one and to fire on any intruders without asking questions
• inside the claustrophobic, machine-dominated interior of one of the B-52 bombers at its failsafe point, its dim-witted crew was commanded-piloted by gung-ho redneck cowboy Major T. J. "King" Kong (Slim Pickens), a thick-accented Texan, who received Ripper's orders for a Wing attack, known as Plan R; although skeptical of the veracity of the order, when it was confirmed, Kong declared: "Well, boys, I reckon this is it. Nuclear (pronounced 'nookular') combat, toe-to-toe with the Rooskies"; he then delivered a memorable, patriotic intercom speech to his men - a parody of the totally-loyal American sent on a glory mission: ("I'd say that you're all in line for some important promotions an' personal citations when this thing's over with")

Major T.J. "King" Kong (Slim Pickens)

Kong's Patriotic Intercom Speech to B-52 Crew Members

• at the Air Base, petty officer Group Captain Lionel Mandrake (Peter Sellers in the first of three roles), a British RAF attache exchange officer, asked Gen. Ripper: "We don't want to start a nuclear war unless we really have to, do we?"; Mandrake respectfully suggested issuing the three-letter recall code under his own authority to bring back the Wing - a code prefix that could radio the bombers to turn back in time, but he was reprimanded by Gen. Ripper with a pearl-handled .45 revolver on his desk; Ripper began babbling about his "precious bodily fluids"
• in the "War Room" at The Pentagon, the egg-head ineffectual American President (Commander-in-Chief) Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers in the second of three roles) and his undersecretary advisors sat at a round war council table; hawkish, militaristic, hedonistic, and cartoonish General "Buck" Turgidson (George C. Scott) suggested taking advantage of the situation by striking first against the Soviet Union: ("I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them"); he urged that Ripper's attack be reinforced with an all-out nuclear offensive war against the Russians before they could retaliate - a potential WWIII; he also provided cold calculations about nuclear destruction

Gen. Turgidson Briefing President Muffley	US President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers)
Turgidson's Suggestion to Strike First Against the Soviets

• meanwhile in a farcical scene, Kong checked the contents of his survival kit with his crew on board the B-52, including nine packs of chewin' gum, one issue of prophylactics, three lipsticks, and three pair of nylon stockin's, with the hilarious comment: "Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff"

Survival Kit Checklist

Kong: "Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff"

• in a classic scene, once the Soviet Ambassador, Alexei de Sadesky (Peter Bull) entered the War Room, a struggle and fight broke out between him and Turgidson; it concluded with Muffley's reprimanding classic line: "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the War Room"
• meanwhile, outside Burpelson Air Base, guard soldiers had been persuaded by Gen. Ripper that approaching trucks with soldiers were evidence of Communist infiltration (Russians disguised as Americans); a firefight battle commenced - American troops against Americans
• back in the War Room, President Muffley made a polite hot-line phone call (a monologue) to the drunken Soviet premier Dmitri Kissof to explain an erroneous bombing attack: ("...It's a friendly call. Of course it's a friendly call. Listen, if it wasn't friendly, ...you probably wouldn't have even got it. They will not reach their targets for at least another hour!"); Muffley promised to give the Soviets all of the intelligence necessary to shoot down the American planes before they could carry out their strikes
• at the Air Base, the nutty, obsessed General found a scapegoat for his own sexual inadequacies in the Russkies; he theorized that flouridation of water was a Soviet conspiracy: ("Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and dangerous Communist plot we have ever had to face?"); Ripper joined in the machine-gun fire raging outdoors by pulling out his own Browning machine-gun from his golf bag with a long ammunition belt - to find off his own invading army and exchange gunfire; he also reasoned that the Commies were unaffected by the plot to pollute the water of the world because they drank vodka; he blamed his own male impotency and sexual inadequacy on the Russian conspiracy to affect his bodily fluids
• in the War Room, Soviet Ambassador Sadesky warned about the effects of the lethal, automatic Doomsday Machine if triggered by a nuclear bomb attack inside Russia; although both Turgidson and Muffley were in disbelief, the ambassador confirmed that it had been constructed and was activated - and could not be deactivated as a built-in safeguard
• Muffley consulted with the sinister, mad and peculiar wheelchair-bound German nuclear scientist and U.S. weapons strategist named Dr. Strangelove (Peter Sellers in his third role).(an ex-Nazi "kraut") who spoke with a falsetto- and German-accent, and had an uncontrollable, independently-minded mechanical-arm Nazi salute (and his wrestling with his own gloved hand); Strangelove confirmed the existence of the Doomsday Machine
• at the base, once Ripper's forces surrendered, the General calmly blew his brains out inside the bathroom; Colonel "Bat" Guano (Keenan Wynn), the gun-happy leader of the attack forces, entered brandishing an M-1 rifle to take Mandrake prisoner; Mandrake begged Col. Guano to allow him to phone the President at the White House to save the world in a nearby phone booth; however, he did not have enough spare change for the call, and Guano reluctantly shot at a Coca Cola machine, fearing retribution by the company

Colonel "Bat" Guano (Keenan Wynn)

Shooting at a Coca Cola Machine

• the three-letter code OPE, derived from doodles on Ripper's desk, was successfully transmitted to all approaching aircraft to Russia and war seemed to be averted; however, Kong's damaged plane failed to respond to the recall code; Kong personally decided to investigate a faulty bomb bay door that wasn't functioning; as he crawled toward the door, two huge nuclear warhead bombs appeared in the foreground, each labeled with sexual salutations: "Hi There!" (a homosexual advance), the other labeled "Dear John!"; after manually opening the bomb bay door, Kong was seated astride the "Hi-There" nuclear bomb like a bucking bronco in a rodeo, riding it toward its target and crying "Yaahooo" as he fanned his cowboy hat; the Doomsday Machine was triggered, and therefore the total destruction of the Earth

Doodles on Ripper's Desk - Revealing the OPE Three-letter Recall Code	Kong's Lone Damaged B-52 Flying Toward Target	Two H-Bombs: "Hi There!" and "Dear John"
Kong Astride Nuclear Bomb Yelling: "Yahoo!"

• in the War Room in the final sequence, the villainous Dr. Strangelove giggled with pleasure as he described his 100 year plan for the underground survival of 200,000 elites - in deep underground, mine-shaft caverns to escape radiation effects; he uncontrollably addressed the President as "Mein Fuehrer" while dreaming of an underground bunker world populated by "top government and military men" after the impending apocalypse; he also was sexually gleeful when he excitedly mentioned his personal duty to populate the human race with selective sexual breeding with women (at a ratio of 10 females to one male); he also couldn't restrain his left fist that slammed down and his black-gloved mechanical right arm that reflexed into an unintentional Nazi salute ('Sieg Heil'); Strangelove's future vision of "strange love" imagined love-less, assembly-line, mechanical sex, in a world in which everyone could "Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb"

Crazed Dr. Strangelove's Uncontrollable Hitler-Salute

Turgidson: "We must not allow a mine-shaft gap!"

Strangelove: "Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!"

• Turgidson ranted about his paranoia of Russian military supremacy in 100 years when they would emerge from the deep mine shafts, predicting that the Russians might build stronger bunkers in their mine shafts than the US; he stressed that America "must not allow a mine shaft gap"
• ecstatic over the total annihilation of the Earth, Dr. Strangelove "resurrected" himself, miraculously regaining his ability to walk; his mechanical, robot-like body rose out of his wheelchair as he cried out exultantly with an ultimate exclamation: "Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!"
• in the film's finale, the world was destroyed; multiple, orgasmic H-bomb mushroom clouds signaled universal nuclear destruction throughout the world, blossoming into Vera Lynn's rendition of the WWII tune: "We'll Meet Again" ("We'll meet again / Don't know where, don't know when / But I know we'll meet again / Some sunny day")

Duck Soup (1933)

• the quintessential comedy film attacked the pomposity of small-time governmental leaders (Firefly as President), the absurdity of government itself (the Cabinet meeting scene), governmental diplomacy (the Trentino-Firefly scenes), an arbitrary legal system (Chicolini's trial), and war fought over petty matters (the mobilization and war scenes)
• its many pricelessly funny lines and satirical, anarchic scenes lampooned and ridiculed pomp, authoritarian government, authority, blundering dictatorial leaders, and Fascism
• in the "mythical kingdom" or Balkan state of Freedonia, the country's richest dowager millionairess Mrs. Gloria Teasdale (Margaret Dumont) offered $20 million to sponsor and support the cash-poor government under the leadership of her newly-appointed President and leader of the tin-pot republic Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx)
• the film opened with the Freedonian coronation and inauguration (and late arrival) of Freedonia's new, cigar-chomping, fast-talking, swindling, impertinent President Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx) exhibiting indecorous behavior
• one of the invited guests for the event was Ambassador and rival suitor Trentino (Louis Calhern) in the neighboring country of Sylvania; behind the scenes, he was scheming to win rich heiress Mrs. Teasdale's hand in marriage, in order to annex Freedonia to his country; he had hired seductive, sultry, and sinuous Latin temptress/dancer Vera Marcal (Raquel Torres), wearing a low-cut, revealing gown, to function as his secret agent
• after a long delay, Firefly amusingly teased and flirted with Mrs. Teasdale, populating his words with insulting non-sequiters: "You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle"
• in the song and dance number "Just Wait 'Til I Get Through With It" with a "Yankee Doodle" fife, Firefly specified the rules and program planned for his preposterous administration; he threatened, as a repressive, dictatorial ruler, to abuse his power
• the traitorous Sylvanian Ambassador Trentino had hired two very incompetent spies to discredit Firefly - hot dog and peanut vendor Chicolini (Chico Marx) and mute Pinkie (Harpo Marx), the Presidential chauffeur; in a classic dialogue exchange, the Ambassador insisted on hearing a full and detailed report of their espionage activities - and to his dismay and frustration, learned that they had accomplished nothing
• in a lampooning Cabinet meeting scene, Firefly refused to discuss taxes or any real government matters when presiding, and caused his exasperated Secretary of War to resign
• outside the Freedonia palace, there were two confrontations with the lemonade stand vendor (Edgar Kennedy) including a classic three-headed, hat-switching sequence, the burning of the vendor's bowler hat on the flaming hot dog cooker, and the barefooted Pinkie paddling around in the vendor's lemonade tank
• to identify himself to Firefly in the office, Pinkie rolled up his sleeve and revealed his tattoos (especially the one of a doghouse on his stomach - complete with the head of a real live, barking dog that peeped out)
• determined to oust Trentino from Freedonia, Firefly's undiplomatic plan was to provoke him with insults, causing him to strike back - and then be thrown out of the country; at Mrs. Teasdale's garden tea party, Trentino engaged in an insulting-spewing contest and called Firefly's conduct inexcusable; he angrily walked away, insulting him: "You Swine!...You Worm!...You Upstart!"; the third name-calling insult provoked Firefly to slap him with his gloves; it was rightly feared that the incident would plunge the two countries into war
• later, Trentino attempted to reconcile their differences by being willing to do anything, but Firefly explained why war was inevitable: ("It's too late. I've already paid a month's rent on the battlefield"); Trentino departed, vowing Sylvania's declaration of war on Freedonia: "This means WAR!" Firefly retorted: "Go, and never darken my towels again!"
• during a weekend at Mrs. Teasdale's house, the two spies were there to steal Freedonia's war and battle plans, while Firefly helped protect Mrs. Teasdale; Pinkie and Chicolini both decided (independently and coincidentally of each other) to dress up in white nightshirts and nightcaps and masquerade as Firefly; in the classic, inventive perfectly-timed scene - the inspired, celebrated 'mirror' pantomime (before a non-existent mirror), two (actually three) of the Marx Brothers identically dressed in nightshirt and cap and duplicating each other's movements across from each other
• Chicolini was brought to trial for high treason (for selling Freedonia's secret war code and plans); the trial scene dialogue in the classic scene was entirely composed of outrageous, excruciatingly-shameless puns; after Firefly suggested: "I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth or eleven years in Twelveworth," Chicolini quipped: "I tell you what I'll do. I'll take five and ten in Woolworth"
• there were more provocations toward war - Firefly imagined being snubbed and his anger escalated to the point of rejection; he refused to shake Trentino's hand and declared war
• in a historical parody, Pinkie was dispatched to waken the citizenry with a bugle, in a memorable Paul Revere-like ride scene, although he was distracted along the way
• in his War Room, Firefly (in different uniforms) sent war messages and telegrams to the battlefront, as bombs exploded around him; the confused Firefly picked up a machine gun and fired mistakenly on his own troops; overwhelmed by the counter-attack, Mrs. Teasdale's house was hit by exploding shells, and she called for rescue at her house, as Firefly called for reinforcements to be sent to the war front (seen in stock footage)
• during the final battle-war conflict, Firefly walked around blindly with a large white flower vase stuck on his head while drinking water from it; Pinkie removed the "Groucho" face-painted vase from his head by exploding a stick on dynamite inside of it; he emerged from behind a cloud of smoke, and proceeded to keep track of the war tally with a pool-hall counter
• Freedonia finally emerged victorious and the war was won when Trentino rammed the door of the house and then got his head stuck in the door; captured, he was pelted with apples and oranges until he surrendered; the final line in the climactic absurd battle episode was delivered when Mrs. Teasdale cried out: "Victory is ours!" She also attempted to sing to their victory with the glorious national anthem of Freedonia: "Hail, hail, Freedonia, land of the brave...," but was also pelted with tomatoes, apples, and oranges

Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)

• the premise of director Danny Leiner's comedy was a pre-cursor of the main theme of The Hangover (2009) and was allegedly based on "actual events"; there were many mysterious and intriguing clues as to what had happened during the previous evening: a suitcase allegedly filled with $200,000 dollars, a transgender stripper, Zoltan's UFO and extra-terrestrial cult members, two groups of aliens (two Nordic dudes, and another group composed of five "hot chicks"), and a desirable, powerful and mysterious interstellar device known as a 'Continuum Transfunctioner' that could possibly save or destroy the world (it was described as "all that stands between the universe and completely violent destruction")
• in the film's opening, after a night on the town, two hard-partying pizza-delivery potheads Jesse Montgomery III (Ashton Kutcher) and Chester Greenburg (Seann William Scott) awakened and were so wasted that they had forgotten what they had done, although they remembered carousing at the house of their Twin girlfriends Wanda (Jennifer Garner) and Wilma (Marla Sokoloff) the previous night; they discovered that their refrigerator and cupboards were mysteriously stocked with a "lifetime supply" of pre-packaged chocolate pudding

Jesse Montgomery III (Ashton Kutcher)

Chester Greenburg (Seann William Scott)

• an angry answering machine message from the Ttwins hinted that they had been there to celebrate their one year anniversary with pizzas and a keg, but had upset them by trashing the place; the two Twins called them "sucky boyfriends" who now would be denied "special treats" (code words for sexual intercourse)
• their Pronto Pizza store boss Mr. Pizzacoli (John Toles-Bey) showed up at their door, also angry that they had irresponsibly left work with 30 undelivered pizzas, and threatened to fire them for "embezzling" pizzas; they went outside to look for the gifts bought for the twins for their anniversary left in the back seat of Jesse's car, but found an empty curb - they asked themselves: "Dude, where's my car?"
• to learn what had happened, Chester proposed a strategy: "We need to get back into the state of mind that we were in last night. That way, we could retrace our steps...Sense memory, simulated perception, altered-consciousness memory retrieval"; they met with their best friend Nelson (David Herman) - a Zen-master with a pot-smoking "psycho dog" named Jackal (real name Sydney) with a dog-shaped pipe; he suggested that they close their eyes, concentrate and look "deep in your consciousness"
• the trio went to order Chinese FOOOOOD at a Chinese restaurant's drive-thru window; Jesse asked for three orders of garlic chicken, three orders of white rice, three orders of won-ton soup and fortune cookies; the belligerent speaker box operator kept asking: "And then?"; Jesse ended his order and finally stated: "No 'and then'!" and eventually became angered: "I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games....You know, you're really starting to piss me off, lady....I'm gonna come in there and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass IF YOU SAY 'AND THEN' AGAIN!'!"; taunting him, the box voice repeatedly said: "And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then! And then!"; now furious, Jesse smashed the speaker box, and they drove away while the intercom kept saying: "And then?"

Annoying Speaker Box Order at a Chinese Restaurant Drive-Thru

• on the street, they were greeted by "superhot" blonde Christie Boner (Kristy Swanson) who claimed she had a fun time at the previous night's party; she claimed they had a suitcase full of money and gave her $500 to show off her "hoo-hoos"; to refresh Jesse's memory, she kissed him and then placed his hand on her left breast; suddenly Christie's studly jock boyfriend Tommy (Charlie O'Connell) and his pals drove up to aggressively intimidate the two stoners
• Chester and Jesse theorized that if they had lots of money, they would have visited the Kitty Kat Strip Club; inside, they were recognized by the pole-dancers and then applauded: "Look everyone. It's Mr. Jesse and Mr. Chester"; Jesse was approached by Tania (Teressa Tunney) who recollected giving him a "superspecial, slippery wet lap dance" and offered another one for free, but then the stripper revealed that she was a trans-sexual or "gender-challenged male" who showed the shape of a penis under skimpy panty-briefs; Jesse and Chester were accused by Tania of having taken her stolen money out of the club amounting to $200,000 dollars

The Twins' Trashed Party House

(l to r): Wilma (Marla Sokoloff) and Wanda (Jennifer Garner)

Thrown Out Onto the Lawn

• the two visited the Twins' trashed house but their girlfriends had already cleaned up inside; the girls were not impressed with a gift of a box of half-eaten chocolates; to help, the dudes volunteered to take out gigantic plastic bags of trash, but made a tremendous mess as they spilled the garbage in the living room - they were thrown out onto the lawn
• they were yanked off the sidewalk by a moving van holding a group of six cult members or "space nerds" (named Zarnoff (Robert Clendenin), Zabu (Banzai Vitale), Zellner (Kevin Christy), Zilbor (Kristoffer Winters), Zelmina (Mary Lynn Rajskub) and Jeff (James Vincent)); they identified themselves as the recipients of instructions from extra-terrestrials, and followed a leader known as Zoltan (Hal Sparks); their mission was to recover a device known as a 'Continuum Transfunctioner" that Chester and Jesse might have had contact with the night before
• they were dropped off in front of a shop owned by a Cantonese-speaking Chinese tailor Mr. Lee (Keone Young), who claimed he had altered "special suits" (red and blue matching Adidas workout outfits) for them that they had purchased with cash the night before; after removing their shirts in the store, both Jesse and Chester saw that they had tattoos on their backs -- "SWEET" on Chester's back, and "DUDE" on Jesse's back, and they kept looking at the tattoos and repeating the two words, and the two "idiots" engaged in a brief fight; pockets in the workout suits contained a cylindrical kaleidoscope and a Rubik's Cube; in a flashback, they learned that they had bought cellphones and had leased a fancy sportscar the night before, attended a pool party, and tried to one-up Fabio with his girlfriend
• on the street, they were confronted by a group of five "hot chicks" (Mitzi Martin, Nichole Hiltz, Linda Kim, Mia Trudeau, and Kimmarie Johnson), all wearing identical black jumpsuits who offered "erotic pleasure" in exchange for the Continuum Transfunctioner device; after the chicks suddenly disappeared, Tania walked up to them angrily demanding her stolen money, before they were arrested and interrogated at a police station by a tough officer (Christopher Darga) about how their car had left the scene of a major drug deal; another cop (Marc Lynn) recognized Chester and Jesse from the night before in the Frenchy Doughnut House between 12 and 2 am, thereby clearing them of the crime; they learned from a second officer Rick Boyer (Pat Finn) with thick glass lenses that their car had been accidentally impounded and wouldn't be available for a few days
• meanwhile, the five "hot chicks" visited Mr. Pizzacoli's pizza shop looking for Chester and Jesse; in the restaurant, they recruited Christie Boner's recently-dumped boyfriend Tommy to acquire the Continuum device for them in exchange for sex; he recommended that they visit St. Margaret's School for Blind Boys during an Outdoor Activities day where their girlfriends The Twins worked; simultaneously, Tommy and his pals kidnapped their friend Nelson - and attempted to set up an exchange-swap of Nelson for the device
• Chester and Jesse also met two mysterious, gay Norwegian dudes, allegedly "the Keepers of the Continuum Transfunctioner," who claimed they had entrusted the device to the two stoners the night before; the two were also visited by their upset and betrayed girlfriends (over their association with the black jump-suited "big-breasted bimbos") who announced in-person that they were breaking up with them ("You guys are sucky boyfriends")
• at the County's car impound lot to pick up their car with the Twins' anniversary gifts in the back seat, they learned that their car had been tagged and sold off at auction that afternoon, but they were able to acquire the buyer's address; as they drove off, the two were surrounded, zapped, and taken by the "space nerds" to Imperial Commander Zoltan's country barn; they donned interstellar "bubble-wrap" jumpsuits to fit in at a Level Seven meeting in the Alpha Centauri Rec Room, but were taken hostage and shown the already-captured Twins; to save their girlfriends and themselves, the two were allowed to leave to search further for the device
• the two visited the address of their car's buyer - the fortified compound of eccentric ostrich breeder Pierre (Brent Spiner); after being attacked by ostriches and knocked unconscious, they were briefly caged and detained as poachers, but then released after Chester correctly answered 27 mph to an ostrich-related question: ("What is the average running speed of a full-grown male African ostrich?") due to his watching of Animal Planet; it was then that they discovered their car was missing from the compound; the only thing that Pierre found in the vehicle before it was taken was a locker key (#206) for a local miniature golf course and video arcade known as Captain Stu's Space-O-Rama
• at the arcade, inside the locker was Tania's suitcase full of stolen money; all the groups began to converge - Tania and her transsexual boyfriend Patty (Claudine Barros) - who took off with the suitcase, Zoltan and his cultists with the kidnapped Twins, Tommy, Christie and the abducted Nelson, the two sets of aliens (the two Nordic guys, and the five "hot chicks"), and Mr. Pizzacoli with a delivery order
• it was revealed to everyone that the real Continuum Transfunctioner wasn't a flashy plastic toy sold at the Space-O-Rama, but the Rubik's Cube found earlier in Chester's blue Adidas workout suit; Chester solved the Cube puzzle - and the device morphed or shapeshifted into its true Transfunctioner form - a silverish globe; Zoltan warned that once the five red lights on the device stopped flashing, the universe would be destroyed

Chester Solving the Rubik's Cube

True Transfunctioner Form - A Silverish Globe

• Chester and Jesse needed to side with the real True Keepers of the Universe who would save the universe by deactivating the globe, as opposed to the fake, alien groups; they rightly chose the two Nordic men, protectors who proved they were genuine by answering a question about their previous night's escapades - what was their score on the 18th hole of the miniature golf course?; the two Nordic dudes answered correctly - a hole-in-one, and the guys had won a lifetime supply of pudding; upon answering, they were presented with the Transfunctioner and successfully deactivated it to save the universe
• in a rage, the five jump-suited "hot chicks" transformed or morphed into their true evil identity - a 50-foot Giantess ("Super Hot Giant Alien Chick") clad in a dark purple bra and matching mini-skirt, who grabbed Tommy and ravenously devoured him, while Christie shrugged her shoulders; after the Giantess knocked out the two Nordic guys, Chester was instructed by Zoltan's cultists to activate the Transfunctioner's 'Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam' to destroy the Giantess; he cleverly used an elongated straw (an Animal Planet trick of chimpanzees he had remembered) to extend his reach and push the recessed button; the Giantess was blasted into smithereens and Tommy was regurgitated and still alive; the world was saved, but Tommy's girlfriend Christie rejected him in favor of going off with Nelson
• as the film concluded, the Nordic dudes invited the "space nerds" to party with them on the Crab Nebula; everyone's memory was erased and time was reversed by the Continuum Transfunctioner back to the start of the film
• the forgetful Jesse and Chester again awoke after the night of partying, and found Jesse's broken-down Renault car parked outside (previously hidden behind a mail truck) - with the license plate "SHIBBY"; they drove to the Twins' home and salvaged their relationship; the two girls rewarded their boyfriends with a "special treat" - not sex, but matching red and blue berets with their hand-embroidered names; the two dudes presented the Twins with a gift from the True Keepers - instant breast enhancement necklaces - gifts that would make everyone happy; the foursome double-dated for Chinese foooood in Jesse's car, while showing off their tattoos and continuing their previous argument about them

Dumb & Dumber (1994)

• Peter Farrelly's gross-out, un-PC, cross-country road-trip and buddy-comedy film was about two 'dumb' and clueless adventuring friends in Providence, RI - roommates Lloyd and Harry
• after the deliberately mis-spelled opening title credits, the story briefly introduced the two title characters: chip-toothed and grinning Providence, RI limo driver Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey) with a bowl-style haircut, and Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), an entrepreneur running a mobile dog-grooming business ("Mutts Cutts") - he had customized and converted his 1984 Ford Econoline van into a "Poochmobile" (shaped like a sheepdog); he was 40 minutes late in delivering a group of dogs to an important dog show, angering their owner Mrs. Neugeboren (Lin Shaye) when she saw how dirty they were

Limo-Driver Lloyd Christmas (Jim Carrey)

Dog Groomer Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels)

Harry's Sheepdog Poochmobile for Business ("Mutt Cutts")

• Lloyd was awe-struck and "in love at first sight" when picking up a passenger at her mansion for a chauffeured limo-trip to the airport - he met wealthy heiress Mary Swanson (Lauren Holly); she explained she was on a trip to Aspen, CO, but became more and more nervous by Lloyd's inane statements and his completely-distracted driving; as he narrowly avoided a crash at an intersection although the sounds of a fiery crash were heard behind them, he was mentioning: ("Statistically, they say you're more likely to get killed on the way to the airport, you know, like in a head-on crash or flying off a cliff or getting trapped under a gas truck...")
• after an awkwardly-cliched romantic goodbye scene enacted by Lloyd curbside that included a hug, Mary was followed by two thugs, Joe "Mental" Mentalino (Mike Starr) and J. P. Shay (Karen Duffy), who had been instructed to pick up her briefcase to be left at the escalator, but she happened to be distracted by Lloyd crashing his limo outside into the rear of another parked car, and she left her briefcase in the middle of the terminal floor
• Lloyd raced inside and retrieved it and made an ill-fated attempt to return it to her; he ran down TWA's jetway, but didn't know that the plane had already departed - he flipped onto the tarmac with the briefcase still in hand; he was unaware that the thugs were also interested in the briefcase and trailed him back to his run-down apartment complex
• roommates Lloyd and Harry were two dim-witted slackers who both found themselves unemployed; Lloyd described how he had left the scene of an accident at the airport, and Harry had also just lost his job; what disturbed him however, was that he had spent his life's savings converting his van into a dog, although Lloyd was impressed: "Hey, chicks love it. It's a shaggin' wagon"; Lloyd described how he had met "the most beautiful woman alive" who had left her locked briefcase ("a love memento") in the airport terminal on her way to Aspen
• when the two menacing thugs (Mentalino was armed) knocked on the door, the two feared that they were debt collectors; they bailed out the back window before the two barged in and Mentalino cruelly decapitated Harry's parakeet Petey to leave them a "message"
• meanwhile, Lloyd and Harry were at a loss for direction in their lives: (Harry: "I can't believe we drove around all day, and there's not a single job in this town. There is nothin', nada, zip!" Lloyd: "Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week"); later that night, Lloyd was robbed when he entrusted a senior citizen (Connie Sawyer) on a motorized cart to watch his purchases (mostly beer) for a few minutes, while he got change; when he returned home, Harry was upset that Petey's "head fell off" - and rationalized: "Yeah, he was pretty old"
• Lloyd was distraught: "I've had it with this dump! We got no food. We got no jobs. Our pets' heads are falling off!"; he and a very reluctant Harry agreed to set out to return the briefcase in Aspen, CO ("a place where the beer flows like wine, where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano"); unbeknownst to them, they were being pursued by the two thuggish hit-men
• on the road in Connecticut, Lloyd admitted how he had acquired $25 dollars by selling some things before they left, including the sale of Harry's dead headless bird to a blind boy neighbor named Billy (Brady Bluhm) [Note: The story about the duped blind boy was featured on a TV episode of A Current Affair watched later in the film by Mary, who exclaimed: "Who are these sick people?")]
• realizing that Lloyd and Harry had split town for Aspen, the two thugs discussed how their boss, mastermind criminal Nicholas Andre (Charles Rocket) in Aspen, CO would be upset if the briefcase wasn't retrieved; they also mistakenly believed that Harry and Lloyd were "pros" who had been 'hired' by Mary as either PIs or FBI agents to retrieve the briefcase
• at a Truk Stop's diner for lunch in Pennsylvania after mistreating their waitress named "Flo," Lloyd suggested that Harry toss salt over his right shoulder for good-luck, but Harry threw the entire salt shaker; an angry trucker named Sea Bass (Cam Neely) spit into Harry's hamburger to retaliate for almost being hit with a salt shaker; Lloyd apologized to Sea Bass and offered to buy a round of Boilermakers for his table, but then told the waitress to scam him: "Sea Bass and the fellas offered to pick up our check. They said just put it on their tab. They're very nice"
• afterwards as they made their rapid escape from the truck stop, Harry asked where Lloyd had learned the scam, and was told he had seen it in a movie: (Something Wild (1986) that starred Jeff Daniels!); Harry asked what happened next, and was told: "In the movie, they catch up to him a half-mile down the road and slit his throat. It was a good one!"; Harry refused to stop to allow Lloyd to pee by the side of the road and suggested that he pee in some empty beer bottles

Lloyd Peeing Into Beer Bottles

The Poochmobile Stopped by Motorcycle Cop For Speeding

Officer: "Pull over!" Harry: "No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticin'"

• a motorcycle radar cop (Harland Williams) drove up next to the Poochmobile van and ordered them to "pull over" for speeding; Harry responded good-naturedly: "No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticin'"; the officer became suspicious regarding evidence of open beer bottles: ("You fellas been doin' a bit of boozin', have ya? Suckin' back on grandpa's old cough medicine?...Come on, give me that booze, you little pumpkin pie, hair-cutted freak, come on!"); the officer insisted on testing for alcohol, not knowing that the bottles were filled with Lloyd's urine; after the officer took a swig and began to gag, Lloyd offered: "Tic Tac, sir?"
• meanwhile in Aspen, Mary was concerned that the abductors, in an elaborate kidnapping and extortion scheme, had not received the ransom money intentionally left for them in a briefcase as instructed at the airport, in exchange for the return of her kidnapped husband Bobby (Brad Lockerman); she conferred with her parents and with old family friend and confidant Nicholas Andre, unaware that he had masterminded the kidnapping
• while driving late at night as Harry slept, Lloyd (in a vignette of experiences) fantasized returning the briefcase to Mary and hugging her (and lifting up her skirt, revealing she was panty-less); in a group of people all wearing ugly Christmas sweaters including Mary, Lloyd also entertained with a stupid and juvenile joke in front of a fireplace, and then lit his farts on fire (for laughs); he also imagined taking Mary for a dream-date to a fancy restaurant where he beat up the maitre-d and other waiters, defending her honor; and then in his wild chopsocky fantasy, he plunged his fist into a kung-fu ninja chef's (Jesse Borja) chest and ripped out his still-beating heart; he put it into a literal Doggy Bag, and then handed it back to the man who fell backwards - dead to the floor; then Lloyd fantasized that he was about to kiss and then make love to Mary in a dimly lit room before a burning firelog with chilled champagne; after she removed the top to her dress, he looked down and stared - not her breasts but a pair of blinking "headlights" - before reawakening from his dream and avoiding crashing into an oncoming truck

Fantasy: Lloyd's Violent Chopsocky Daydream

• at the Second Honeymoon Motel with a heart-shaped headboard, XXX films and hot tubs, while taking a bath in a red heart-shaped bathtub, Lloyd listened in to the sounds of love-making through the next door wall, and exclaimed to Harry: "This is the life - cold beer, a hot tub and paper-thin walls. There's only one thing that could make this moment any better... If you had a nice set of knockers"; Harry reminisced about a breakup he had with Fraida Felcher who sent him a "John Deere" letter: "She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her enough or something. I don't know. I wasn't really paying attention"; it was implied that the guilty-looking Lloyd had stolen her away from Harry and never admitted it
• the next day while driving toward Iowa, the two mistakenly picked up hitchhiker Joe Mentalino who claimed his car had broken down; he was quickly driven crazy by the pair playing tag on either side of him - with inane antics: (Harry: "You're it....Anti-quitsies, you're it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!...Can too, double stamp it, no erasies!...No, you can't do that... you can't triple stamp a double stamp, you can't triple stamp a double stamp! Lloyd!"); then, they began an annoying duet of the Mockingbird song before picking up a Mexican family of hitchhikers
• during another meal stop at Dante's Inferno restaurant (just East of the Mississippi), Harry and Lloyd taste-tested atomic hot peppers on a dare: ("I'll do it if you will, Lloyd") - their argument was sing-songy: "You go first!" "No, you go first!" - their reactions included cooling their mouths with mustard and ketchup bottles; while Mentalino was phoning Andre, the two also pranked Mentalino's hamburger with chili peppers; the thug suffered an adverse reaction, grabbed for his stomach ulcer medication, but mistakenly was given rat poison pills he was planning to put into their drinks - and died
• during a fuel stop at a gas station, Harry spilled gasoline onto his leg while talking to another female customer coincidentally on her way to Aspen, CO, while Lloyd was being harrassed by an angry Sea Bass in the restroom stall; Harry set his leg on fire while lighting the female's cigarette and barged into the restroom (knocking out Sea Bass with the toilet stall door) to extinguish the flames in a toilet bowl
• Lloyd mistakenly took a wrong turn and detoured east toward Lincoln, NE - thereby avoiding police awaiting them on I-80 to Colorado; almost out of gas, Harry was exasperated with Lloyd's imbecility for backtracking: ("You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction! Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen, we don't have enough money to get home, we don't have enough money to eat, we don't have enough money to sleep!"), and he decided to desert him and walk home; meanwhile, Lloyd traded his van for a small mini-bike moped that got 70 mpg, caught up to Harry, and they reconciled and decided to continue on to Aspen together; Harry congratulated Lloyd for his wisdom: "You know, Lloyd, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this - and totally redeem yourself!"

On a Moped to Aspen, CO

• once in Aspen, the two had no idea how to locate Mary - without her name or phone number, although at first Lloyd thought her name was "Samsonite"; they were forced to spend the cold night in an outdoor park; during an argument over Lloyd not sharing his second pair of gloves, they happened to accidentally break open the briefcase and discovered its contents - ransom cash for a kidnapped husband; they spent the money on extravagant luxuries, including a five-star Hotel Danbury Presidential Suite with room service, a red $275,000 Lamborghini Diablo, and a visit to a spa for haircuts, shaves, and pedicures (for Lloyd's gnarly toenails)
• the two attended a weekend Preservationists Gala (a Snow Owl Benefit) at Mary's home to be attended by Aspen's elites; they arrived wearing brightly colored, gaudy, candy-colored tuxedoes (sky and powder blue for Harry, and tangerine-orange for Lloyd) complete with matching top hats and canes; Lloyd was so nervous about meeting his dream-girl Mary again that he convinced Harry to speak to her first
• Harry complimented Mary about her owls: "Nice set of hooters you got there!...The owls. They're beautiful!"; Harry was able to acquire a ski-date with Mary the next day, but then without telling Lloyd, agreed to go on the ski-date himself; as Lloyd celebrated his success, he proceeded to accidentally kill one of the endangered Snow Owls with a popped champagne cork; Andre mis-interpreted the bird death as deliberate compensation for the pair's dead parakeet: ("We killed their bird. Now they killed one of ours")
• in the film's most recognizable sequence during Harry's ski-date, brain-dead Harry exclaimed: "Ooh, look, frost" to Mary as they rode on a ski-lift chair - and his tongue became fused to the frozen metal frame pole; it was hilarious to see him pried him free while his tongue stretched elastically; meanwhile, Lloyd was left stranded at a bar awaiting Mary's arrival, and was forced to listen to the same woman named Beth who had spoken earlier with Harry at the gas station about her recent breakup

Harry's Diarrhea Toilet Sequence

• that evening, Lloyd retaliated against Harry for his betrayal with Mary by putting a large dose of TURBO LAX in his coffee before he headed for Mary's place; it was an excruciatingly-funny yet gross scene of Harry's extreme agony on the toilet at Mary's house while suffering an intense reaction, including Mary's disturbing comment to him: "I hope you're not using the toilet, it's broken...the toilet doesn't flush"; he responded: "I was just shaving" and later, "I'm just, I'm cleaning my teeth"; and when he was attempting to pour the entire contents of the heavy, broken toilet bowl out the window, he lied again: "I'm gargling!"
• Lloyd arrived to tell dream-girl Mary that he had her briefcase, and convinced her to take her on his moped to his luxury hotel to hand over the briefcase; there, he confessed his love to her: ("What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me ending up together?"); she briefly answered: "Not good," and informed him that she was already married; with sentimental happiness, Lloyd responded to her claim that their chances were "one out of a million" - "So you're tellin' me there's a chance?! YEAH!"
• Nicholas Andre knocked on the hotel room door, held a gun on Lloyd, and became enraged when he discovered that the ransom money had been spent on luxury goods (and replaced with IOUs); once Harry arrived, he took all three of them hostage and handcuffed them to the bed; they were rescued during a shootout by a group of trailing FBI agents led by Beth Jordan (Victoria Rowell) who was trailing them from Rhode Island; shehad earlier crossed paths with them during a gas station stop (with Harry), and at the bar (with Lloyd) where she falsely claimed she was moving to Aspen to get away from her boyfriend; as a result, Nicholas and Shay were arrested and Mary was reunited with her husband Bobby
• as the film concluded, the two broke and down-and out guys walked along a deserted Colorado road, as Harry pondered: "First Mary dumps us, then the cops take our nest egg. Then our hog breaks down"; Lloyd wondered as he added: "When are we ever gonna catch a break?" - unexpectedly, a bus group of bikinied females on tour representing Hawaiian Tropic pulled up next to them (with a few "Hallelujahs" from The Messiah), and three gorgeous females emerged, and greeted them; Swedish model (Anna Anka/Aberg) spoke in her native tongue: "Hej allihopa" (translated: Hi everyone)
• one red-bikinied girl (Samantha Carpel) presented an offer for them to be their oil boys: "Hi, guys. We're going on a national bikini tour, and we're looking for two oil boys who can grease us up before each competition"; Harry answered for the two of them and directed them to a nearby town: "You are in luck! There is a town about three miles that way. I'm sure you'll find a couple guys there"; but then as the bus began to pull away, Lloyd realized that they had made a grievous mistake: ("Do you realize what you've done?") - they ran to catch up to the bus - and breathlessly, Lloyd told the driver that Harry had pointed in the wrong direction!: "You'll have to excuse my friend. He's a little slow. The town is back that way!"; as they waved goodbye to the bus, Lloyd imagined: "Wow, two lucky guys are gonna be driving around with those girls for the next couple of months"; Harry reassured Lloyd: "Yeah, don't worry. We'll catch our break too"

Hawaiian Tropic Bus of Bikini Models Looking for "Two Oil Boys"